Advice: Accidents at Night

Dear Band of Mamas,

I have 2 bedwetters. One is still fairly young but the other is approaching age 9. I know that having accidents is something most kids grow out of but I definitely see it weighing on the older one’s confidence. He really wants to stop. We’ve tried lots of things– no drinks after 7, wake him around 10:00 before his dad and I go to bed, and we pray about it a lot. He goes in streaks of waking up dry, but then it happens again. I’ve asked his doctor and she’s confident he will stop eventually. My concern is him getting down on himself. Getting mad at himself. Do you have any advice? Even if it’s just how to talk him through this struggle until he overcomes it.

Dear Concerned Mama,

This is one of those moments I love to think about how lucky your children are that you care so much, and if they only knew! I can imagine how tough it would be to try and problem solve while also helping keep the integrity of his feelings.

Affirmations

My first suggestion comes in the form of affirmations. Could you find a place that he sees each day, where you could [secretly] write a special note to him? To remind him that he is amazing and this struggle is temporary? You could turn to a favorite Bible verse, or write a positive affirmation on the bathroom mirror. We could all actually use this!

Accidents: A Potential Solution

My second suggestion comes with having your children be a part of the problem solving. While the doctor said he will grow out of it, have you asked him what he would be willing to try to help overcome the situation? Sometimes being given the opportunity to make a decision provides some ownership. For example, you could say, “I know you’ve been down lately about having accidents at night. Can I show you something we could try, and you can let me know if you want to try it?” Although I have not used them myself, I have heard wonderful things about bed-wetting alarms that signal the brain at night that it’s time to get up and go.

Additionally, you could teach him to set his own bedroom alarm (one that he would have to get up and shut off) at a later time in the middle of the night, to train his body to get up at the sound and use the bathroom. If he’s willing to try either of those, and he gets to decide, perhaps he’ll be excited about a potential solution!

L.L. Murray Your kids are so lucky to have you! Best of luck on this journey, Mama!